My Almost - Perfect Life

You can never find the perfect person in me because what makes me human is my imperfection. Though am not perfect, at least I'm real.. :)

Monday, May 24, 2010

kapanahunan

Teks. Naalala mo pa kung paano maisapinta yong mga pelikula noong araw sa teks, mga pelikula nila bong revilla, eddie garcia, ronnie rickets, robin padilla, at kung anong patok sa sinehan noon. Malas nga lang nila dingdong dantes at marian rivera sa kanilang pelikula dahil hindi naisa-teks ang kanilang you to me are everything. Sa teks din kami noon madalas mag-away, may dugaan sa bilang, at itsapwera kung luma ang teks na pinanlalaro mo dapat yong malutong at bago.
teks

Isa-dal-awa-tat-lo-a-pat… ganyan kung magbilang sa teks, yan din ata ang unang stepping stone ko sa pagbibilang noong bata ako dahil madalas kung panuorin ang mga kuya ko sa paglalaro nito. Si kuya Mc-kee yong magaling sa pektus na sinasabi, ito yong pag-itsa mo na may matinding konsentrasyon at tamang pagpitik ng daliri paitaas para manalo ang taya mo. Hindi ko alam kung anong koneksyon nito sa paglalaro kung bakit laging panalo o marahil tsamba lang ang mga loko. Kahit anong posisyon mo sa pag-itsa basta dapat manalo ka dito kundi gaya sa ibang laro tatawagin kang LOOOSEEERR!

May panahon ang teks, kumbaga uso-uso lang. Mas nauunang mag-uso ito madalas sa mga eskwelahan bago sa kabahayan. Ito ang una sa mga pinagkakagastusan ko noon, iipunin ko yong baon ko mula lunes hangang biyernes tapos ibibili ko ng teks sa araw ng sabado, dinadayo namin yong tindahan ni apong sindang o apong pasing para makapamili kami ng bago at magandang comic strip ng teks, tapos buong sabado na kami maglalaro hangang linggo. Pagkatapos naming mananghalian, maliligo kaming magpipinsan tapos makikipaglaro na sa kapitbahay, sinasamantala namin to habang sila auntie at nanay e nakikinig ng radyo sa programa ni tiya dely na paboritong paborito naman nila. May tv na noon pero wala pang wowowee kaya mas pinili na lang nilang makinig sa radyo.

May time noon na pagkagising na pagkagising ko palang e maglalaro na ako ng teks sa kapitbahay, walang mumog at walang hilamos. Kumbaga sa terminolohiya…adeeeek! Madalas akong umuwi na puno ang supot na dala ko, at tuwang tuwa ako pag nananalo. Nalilipasan na ako noon ng gutom sa paglalaro nito kaya nung nalaman ni nanay na ganun ang nangyayari confiscated lahat ng teks ko, maging yong paborito kong pamato. Iyak nang iyak ako noon at nagmamakaawa, pero kung anong tigas ng kalyo ko sa daliri noon sa pagteteks e ganun din katigas ang loob ng nanay ko. Nakita ko na lamang ang mga teks isang umaga kasama doon sa sinunog na damo sa likod ng bahay namin. Noong araw ding yon, pinagaralan ko ang makinig kay… ANG INYONG TIYA DELLLLYYYY! *susundan ng mellow kalimbang sound effect*
Ngayon, bihira na lang akong makakita ng mga batang naglalaro ng teks sa mga kalye. Bihira na akong makakita ng mga batang nanlilimahid sa dumi sa paglalaro ng teks, tuluyan nang nilamon ng panahon ang mga nakagawiang larong pinoy. Umuusbong na marahil ang mga makabagong laro tulad ng dota, sf, ran, flyff at ilan pang online games. Tuluyan nang nilamon ng transisyon ang mga makalumang laro.

Pero buhay na buhay pa rin sa akin ang larong ito, kelangan patas at walang mandadaya. At dito ko nakita kung gaano kaseksi si pricilla almeda at kung gaano kalaki ng ipinagbago ni rustom padilla ngayon.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A letter for my Mama

Dear Mama,

I know it isn’t, much but I’ve decided to write you a little letter to tell you everything you mean to me.
I was looking for cards for you the other day, something that you would like, and that could get my point across but wasn’t to mushy. It’s a hard compromise to make. So I said to myself “Self, why not make her a card?” But then I was thinking about it today, and I’m not the most poetic.

So here I am writing you a letter, something I probably haven’t done since I stopped believing in Santa *wink*.
To express in words everything that you are to me would be like trying to fill the grand canyon one grain of sand at a time, but I’m going to try.

Everything I love about myself comes from you. My eyes, my ability to smile and laugh at myself. My perseverance, and ability to tell myself “It’ll all turn out in the end”. You taught me everything about life, from the most basic things like tying my laces and saying my ABC’s to much more complex things. Loving myself, simply because you love me, and complete understanding of others. You told me once that I’m to independent for a man. You are the one who taught me that independence, I’m happy being myself, you trust my opinion and always keep an open mind to what I have to say, not many adults have that respect for kids. You always listen to me and allow me to make my own mistakes. I’m sure you’ve watched me walk into situations that you knew were going to hurt, but the thing that lets me know how much you care is that you let me go into them. Had I been totally sheltered from life I’d never learn, and when life pushed me around you always gave me your shoulder and ear, and the strength to push back. I’ve always pulled through.

Remember grade 3 and Miss Baldago? How I’d cry because of her? You always listened to me then, even though, looking back I realize my qualms were so frivolous.

Your so self-less, it amazes me. I asked you SO MANY times what you wanted for mothers day but you couldn’t think of your wants!

It’s so hard to find something this year because I realized, that I don’t give you as much credit as you deserve, flowers don’t do you justice.
I want to pamper you, I want to hire an astronaut to write how much I love you on the moon.

I can’t express in words what you give to me without even knowing it. Your doing an amazing job being my mother, and I don’t think I tell you enough.
I feel as though I take you for granted sometimes, and maybe you even take yourself for granted.

So today is your one day a year to be spoiled, one measly little day to focus on you rather then everyone else, when you’ve given every day of your life for the past 17 years to me and now turning 18.

I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I don’t even want to imagine it.
We’re growing old together and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So happy mothers day, I hope you enjoy it, and now you know that I can write more then 50 words about what you mean to me. I don’t need an essay contest to tell you though. (549 words) ^^

Mama, I love you with every fibre of my being.
You need more than 24 hours.

Happy Mothers Day !
I’ll always have you to thank for everything I am.

Love you every day of the year
Your daughter,
Michelle

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

QuizBox

Isang kaibigan ang nagsabing puntahan ko daw ang site na eto http://www.quizbox.com/ medyo kinabahan ako kasi quiz nanaman, sawang sawa na ako kaka-quiz mula kinder hanggang magapply ako ng trabaho. Buti nalang ibang klaseng quiz 'to, medyo madali lang sagutin di na kailangan ng kodigo.
Paksyet!!! Nakakagulat! after kong sagutan ang Quiz binigay nya ang sagot tungkol sa sarili ko na halos lahat tama.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

BIRD MO! BIRD KO! BIRD NATIN 'TO

Wala akong magawa sa araw na ito kaya naman pinagtripan ko ang mspaint ng windows. Sinubukan ko magdrawing ng bird at Kulayan ito gamit ang mouse.
Heto ang kinalabasan:





Maituturing kong isang obramaesta ang ginawa kong ito. Ginugol ko sa paggawa nito ang mga oras na tinatamad ako sa trabaho sa bahay at ang imahinasyon ko. Isa itong pagkondena sa paglapastangan sa mga bird na walang kamalay-malay na kinukulayan ang balahibo para magmukhang Lady Gaga.

Kadalasan makikita ang mga bird na ito sa tapat ng elementary school(dahil mas madaling maloko ang bata) at sa simbahan (dahil madaling maloko ang walang kasalanan). Nakakulong ang ibat-ibang colored bird sa isang masikip na lalagyan at sa ibabaw nito ay isang game board. kung swerte kang manalo sa laro na 'to tiyak na mauuwi mo ang bird of your choice. Pero sigurado akong hindi ka mananalo, dahil madadaya ang GameMaster nito.

Tsk! Tsk! kawawang bird... dahil sobrang siksikan sila sa kahilang
selda, hindi maiwasan na oras-oras-minu-minuto may stampede na nagaganap at ang mahina ay tiyak na dedbol at pagpipyestahan ng langgam.

Gamemaster: Put@ng!na tatlong araw na pala itong di kumakain

Narinig ko yan dati mula kay manong gamemaster habang tinitingnan
nya kung bakit di na halos gumagalaw ang bird nya.

IPAGLABAN ANG KARAPATAN NG MGA BIRD.
BIRD MO! BIRD KO! BIRD NATIN 'TO

gusto ko balikan

Iba na talaga ang buhay ko ngayon kumpara nung bata pa ako. Bata parin naman ako ngayon, ayoko lang talaga magcompute ng edad ko lumalaki lang ang galit ko sa Math. Nasa kalendaryo pa naman ako, hindi tulad ng ibang nagbabasa ng blog ko wala na. Pero wag kayo mag-alala may Bingo pa, hanggang 75 yun.

Sabi nga nila ang pagiging bata ay ang pinakamasayang stages sa buhay ng tao. Malaya kang gawin ang lahat nang walang iniisip na problema. Ang lahat ay laro lamang.

Matagal ko nang hindi nagagawang ang humalakhak kasama ang mga kaibigan habang nagpapagulong sa damuhan. Nagtatawanan sa walang kwentang bagay na hindi alam kung bakit nga ba (bakit nga ba?). Tanging ang mura naming isip lang ang makakapagpapaliwanag na hindi ko na taglay ngayon.

Madalas ako maglaro sa ulan at kahit pa sa maduduming tubig ng estero wala akong pakealam, ang alam ko lang masaya ako!. Paguwi ng bahay pawisan sa maghapong takbuhan at puro dumi ang damit sabay salubong sa sermon ni nanay. "Ang dumi-dumi mo nanaman! kakaligo mo lang kanina ah!"
Hindi pa uso nuon ang downy isang banlaw kaya bumubula ako sa sermon. Pasok sa kanang tenga labas sa kaliwang tenga.. ganun lang kasimple tanggapin ang sermon. Di tulad ngayon.

Isa pa sa kinagagalit ni nanay ay ang hindi ko pagtulog sa hapon dahil ito ang prime time ng paglalaro namin. Madalas akong tumakas kahit nakakandado ang gate parang si tiyagong akyat kabisado ko kahit nakapikit ang bakod namin, tamang paglukso at paglapag na walang tunog na maririnig.

Kalog at tansing ang paborito ko at ang paglalabanan namin ay balat ng kendi, tansan at sigarilyo. Kapag ang items mo ay kakaiba yung tipong hard to find mataas ang value nito. Kaya naman kung saan saan kami napupunta hanggang makaabot sa pagawaan ng patis at toyo. Medyo malayo na ito pero wala kaming pakealam saan mang sulok yan makakuha lang ng hard to find tansan at balat ng kendi.

Madami rin akong kalokohan nuon, tiyak na di mo mabibilang at kung pwde lang siguro mabilanggo ang bata e tiyak nasa kulungan nako ngayon. Nandyan yung binansagan namin na "storm" yung matandang maputi ang buhok. Galit na galit sya sa batang maiingay tulad namin. Lalabas sya sa bahay para sermunan kami na waepek naman sa amin at lalo pa kaming magiingay sabay takbo at tago. Maya maya muling lalabas at magiinggay ulit. Nangaasar kumbaga. Buti nalang at walang sakit si Storm at di namin sya napatay sa kunsimisyon. Pero balita ko patay na sya ilang taon na din dahil sa katandaan. Sumalangit nawa at patawad po.
Ilang beses ko din nilagyan ng thumbtask ang upuan ng klasmate ko na hanggang ngayon di nila alam na ako ang may sala. Nilagyan din namin ng mga basura ang bag ng klasmate ko, tinanggal namin yung libro at notebook na di nya pansin sabay uwi. Kinabukasan galit na galit hinahanap yung notebook at libro dahil nasermunan daw sya bakit puro kalat ang nasa bag nya paguwi. Ayun wala syang assignment. Parehas na kami. Lamang lang ako dahil dala ko ang libro at notebook sa bahay tamad lang talaga gumawa ng assignment. Naidrawing ko din ang teacher ko na naka bikini sabay kusot at tapon sa basurahan hahahahaha. Binilang ko din ang manerismo ng teacher ko na "Okey... okey class ganito yan!" morethan 40 times nya itong binabangit sa klase -everyday namin itong binibilang. Maswerte pa sya at di namin binibilang yung talsik ng laway nya. Kaya siguro yung klasmate ko sa harap laging may facetowel at lumalabas after ng subject, siguro maghugas ng mukha.

Ang saya sobra.

Hindi tulad ngayon kailangan mong problemahin lahat mula sa isusuot mong damit, pantalon, hairstyle, pati load ng cellphone, Depektibong Gelpren/Boypren, Naglalakihang pores at hindi maubos na tigyawat at maramin pang iba na hindi ko kayang isulat sa dami....

Friday, April 16, 2010

The "F" Word Domination

I have nothing against foreign movies, modern foreign movies to be specific. I just noticed that they have to have this “F” word, is it like the fashion statement for them?

It’s a cliché to hear this “F” word in movies. Words like this is a way to express a feeling effectively? I think so, though I’m not sure, but let us observe:



When a character is angry they usually say : “F*** you!!”

When a character was scared/shocked : “F***!!”

When a character is laughing : “That’s f***cking hilarious dude.”

When a character can’t believe what he/she is seeing : “What the f*** is that?!”

So these are just some examples, there are tons of scripts and feelings that includes this “F” word. Now, if you don’t have any idea what the character is up to (be feeling), you won’t really identify what their feelings are, well maybe you can upon their emphasis of the word or line. Do you see any difference? I don’t have the queer understanding for this, as long as i am enjoying the movie, its ok for me.

Anyway, there’s nothing wrong about this kind of words being expressed by the characters of most movies today. I just find it intriguing, and as usual, i have nothing else to do.

Moving on, in the English dictionary, this is verb: slang for a sexual intercourse. Profanity may be related to this word. Thus, as our vocabulary is developing (as if we have a choice, language is our foundation of communication to other people, orally or written) this word had taken the liberty of all parts of speech.

It may be considered as noun: a complete confusion

Ex. What in the f***?

As a verb: to procreate

Ex. F*** your girlfriend now!

As an adjective: can be used to modify any word for passion

Ex. She’s f***ing beautiful.

As and adverb: can be used to demand.

Ex. Can you just f***ing finish your food?

It is also synonymous to some words like broke, confused, busted, and the likes.

Actually, this is the only word in English that is grammatically complete stand-alone sentence.

Ex. F***, f***ing f***ers f***ed.

This word is highly versatile that it can describe the feeling of pleasure, hate, love, dismay, and anything else you can think of.

I’m sure there are too many definitions that you alone can think of for this word. Say it loud and proud and definitely, you can really get yourself f***ed up.

This is why, of all the words in the English dictionary that starts with F, fuck is the only one that is referred to as the “F” word. There, I said it. Happy now?

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Just One Wish

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck, miss ko un!

the warmth of your lips on my cheek, lalo na un!

the touch of your fingers on my skin, mas lalo na un!

and the feel of your heart beating with mine... mas pinakang lalo na un!

Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you... oo ikaw .. sayo lamang!!!

Best I ever had


Dearest ...

You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
You are not my first… but you are the best from all.
When I look into your eyes…I feel lost but secure.
Our love is cyber… but the strongest yet…
The mere thought of you makes me smile. hurr..hurr..
It puts me in a deep dream…one which I never want to get out of..i think im crazy .. hehhe..

I love you po ….your smileyour eyesthe warmth in your hands…everything! secret!


I love you more than words can ever say!

Your forever and ever… mitch

You know you miss someone when you write shit like this

Isn't it gripping when that feeling of you missing someone sinks in and makes you all serious and reminiscent and pensive and receptive at the same time, conjures in your mind scenes of a girl sitting with an empty chair, a girl looking at his hand as it pales with a certain coldness, a girl tracing a man's name or scent in the air, she walking in a room with invisible walls closing in? And then suddenly, strangely, sappily you realize that you are that girl: alone, even if whole.

JUST THW WAY I AM

I'm fly
The original
I'm sly
Unpredictable...
I'm nearly irresistible
And I don't even try
I'm easily excitable,
Completely undeniable,
And sometimes unrealible.
Don't ask me why,
Don't ask me why (why)


I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am
I can't change
I can't hide it
That's just the way I am
Might as well get over it
BUT Don't try to understand
I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am

From a whisper to a shout
On what the buzz
Is all about
Everybody's buggin' out
And I've only just begun
They can't rain on my parade
I'm sunshine on a cloudy day
Make lemons into lemonade
I'm just havin' fun
I'm havin' fun (I'm havin fun)


I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am
I can't change
I can't hide it
That's just the way I am
Might as well get over it
BUT Don't try to understand
I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am

Monday, March 29, 2010

March 26, 2010, tinawagan ako ng Tita ko sa Canada at sinabing kukunin niya ako at pag-aaralin niya ako doon. Nung una ay natuwa ako dahil naisip kong mas mapapaganda nga naman ang buhay ko doon, at mas maraming oppurtunity ang naghihintay doon kumpara dito sa Pilipinas. Pero pagkatapos ng tuwang iyon ay napa-isip ako ng ilang saglit, naisip ko... "Pano naman si Jomel? (ang boyfriend ko.. at lalaking pinakamamahal ko). March 27, 2010, sinubukan kong sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol dito, tinanong ko siya kung makakaya ba niyang hindi ako makita sa loob ng isang taon, At ang naging sagot niya ay hindi daw niya kaya, at baka 6 months pa lang ay di na niya kayanin.
kanina, March 29, 2010, sinubukan ko ulit i-open ang topic na yun kaso naiyak siya, nakita kung papaano siya nasaktan at lumuha nang binanggit ko sakanya ang tunkol sa bagay na iyon, kaya nag promise na lang ako sa kanya na hindi na ako aalis, hindi na aq pupunta sa Canada o Europe man. At lalo akong nalulungkot pag nakikita ko siyang malungkot dahil sa balak kong pag-alis.

Isa pang problema ay pakiramdam ko kanina ay sinumbatan niya ako... sinabi niyang "Hindi mo pa nga ako nadadala sa bahay niyo tapos aalis kana!! "... yang mga salitang yan ay ang lalong nagpabigat sa nararamdaman ko. Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na gusto mong umiyak pero pinipigil mo lang? diba npakasakit sa dibdib? napaka bigat sa nararamdaman. Ayokong umiyak sa harap niya.

Napaka-hirap mag desisyon, ngayong future at pag-ibig ang nakataya.

Mas mhirap pra xaken mg desisyon kxe future q ang nkasalalay... kxo ng promise na aq na ndi na aq 22loy... e pnu nman ung oppurtunity na naghihintay xaken???

Thursday, March 11, 2010

You've got it all

I was the game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light
You came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
Put all your fears to rest
Who do I love the best
Don't you know

You've got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey
it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call
You were out on a limb

And you're all that he's not
Just look what I've got
'Cause you've got it all
Over him

Now, don't let him worry you so
Once I met you
I let go
Oh you can surely see
You're so much more to me

Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best
Don't you know

You've got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call
You went out on a limb

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I am so Imperfect...

Though I am I strive to be better. I want to be the one who
takes the pain that either I have caused or not and make it better. Shed light
on a dark subject perhaps. But that certainly doesnt make me perfect or have the
answers in any way. I guess it is jsut a lot of caring for those around me who
are hurting...

I have always been the "fixer." The one that family,
friends....anyone can depend on to help in some way. I often question my advice
because of my personal insecurities and definate imperfection always. But in
light of the truth that I am no where near perfect I hope that I can still make
a difference in this world.

God help me to do my best in as an imperfect
woman........

Friday, March 5, 2010

nag iisip ng iisipin...


Bat ba ko ganito? Nasanay na talaga akong mag-isip kahit di naman kailangan. Kung contact ko kayo sa YM, madalas makita nyo sa status ko ang katagang " Nag-iisip ng iisipin ". Totoo ang mood kong yun. Siguro dahil sa nasanay ang utak ko na mag-iisip ng mga ide-design kaya ako naging ganito. Kaso nga lang minsan napupuyat na ko sa kakaisip.

Minsan, mga alas tres na nun ng bigla kong maisip, sinu-sino kaya ngayon sa oras na to ang nasa alanganing sitwasyon, mga nasa kapahamakan at nanginginig sa takot na baka huling gabi na nila sa mundo yun at walang mahingan ng tulong at nasa isang madilim na lugar? Bigla na lang akong sasagot na ganun ako kaswerte at safe akong nasa kwarto lang. Pano nga kaya kung ikaw ang nandun? Malamang maiisip mo rin na bigla mong ma mi miss pamilya mu at ang kwarto mong dapat nandun ka lang at nag-iisip o humihilik.

" Magugulat ka na lang din kinabukasan sa balita na may napahamak kung anong oras mu rin inisip yun. "

Minsan naman nasa byahe ako at nata-traffic sa Regalado,fairview, nasa bus ako nun at syempre nag-isip na naman ako. Pano kaya kung dahilan ng traffic na yun ay ang pagsumpong ng pagkaligalig ng isang grupong puno ng armas at nasa mahigit 50 ang mga ito. Normal na araw lang yun pero magiging delubyo bigla. Simpleng byahe pero posibleng mangyari. Kahit maraming tao ang nasa paligid pero mapaparalisa pag nangyari yun. Naisip kong bukod kaya sakin, sino kaya ang mga nababato rin sa byahe at naisip din ang naiisip ko? hmmm? nagpatong-patong na pag-iisip pero pano nga kaya? Handa ba tayo at ang mga pulis patolang kikilos lang pag may napahamak na.

Nakakapagod mag-isip pero maraming matututunan at hinahanda ka na rin. Kayo? Nangyayari na rin ba sa inyo ang sakit na tulad ng sakin?

Kumatas na ba sa isipan nyo tong mga katanungang ito?

palagi kasi gumagana ang sub-consious mind ko!!! kaya siguro ganun!!!

Sige sa susunod ulit mga balbon!


naiisip mo ba ang naiisip ko??

Noong pinanganak tayo sa mundong ito, kailan ba tayo unang nag-isip? Noong lumabas ba tayo sa sinapupunan may iniisip na ba tayo nyun? Kung mayroon man bakit hindi natin matandaan, siguro dahil lahat ng ginagawa natin noong sanggol pa tayo ay nakakahiya, tulad nalang ng pagiging iyakin na halos mainis yung mga magulang natin para lang mapatahan tayo o kaya yung oras-oras na pagpapalit ng lampin natin. Ganito lang ba talaga gumagana ang buhay? Kapag hindi mo na kailangan ang bagay sadyang kinakalimutan mo nalang ito na parang walang nangyari? Libo-libong tanong ang naglalaro sa isip natin, papaano ba natin ito masasagot? Sapat na ba ang tagal ng buhay ng tao para masagot ang mga katanungan na ito?


Sa bawat hakbang natin sa pagtanda, paiba-iba ang nagiging lebel ng ating pag-iisip. Mayroon isang pagkakataon noong bata tayo na nagtataka ang bawat isa satin kung bakit ang liliit natin kumpara sa mga magulang natin? kung bakit hindi tayo pinapayagan gawin ang mga gusto natin gawin? at kung paano ba tayo talaga ginawa? Pagtungtong natin sa eskwelahan lalo lang nadagdagan ang mga iniisip natin dito sa mundo, tulad nalang ng mga sumusunod:

Preschool: Iniisip natin kung bakit tayo kailangan iwanan ng mga magulang natin sa eskwela.

Grade School

Grade 1 – 3: Tuwing nasa eskwela tayo iniisip natin kung bakit ang sungit-sungit at sadyang nakakatakot ang mga titser natin, kung bakit ang hirap ng math at tsaka ang sarap magyabang sa mga klasmeyt kapag may bagong bili kang gamit o kaya laruan?

Grade 4 – 6: Iniisip padin natin bakit masungit ang mga titser, mga nagtatambakang projects, kung sino sa kaklase natin ang magiging representative sa United Nation Month, at syempre hindi nawawala ang pagkahirap-hirap na mathematics.

High School

Freshmen Year: Naiisip na natin magkacrush sa opposite sex (although merong iba sa same sex nagkakacrush) at eventually nanliligaw/naliligawan nadin tayo.

Sophomore Year: Sadyang masakit sa utak kabisaduhin ang Florante at Laura, kaso nakakahiya din na isipin na wala kang marerecite sa klase. Dito din natin sinisimulan na magisip ng parang matanda.

Junior Year: Naku! Geometry? Chemistry? (isa sa mga pilit nating kinakalimutan na subject). Unang Prom Night, kung saan iniisip natin mabuti kung anu ang susuutin, sino ang yayayain at ano kaya ang masasarap na putaheng nakahanda (nagtataka din tayo kung bakit may mga kaklase tayong ang kakapal magmake-up at madami mag gel na kung titingnan mo parang libing niya na nung gabing iyon).

Senior Year: Dito na tayo nagiisip ng medyo mature na ang dating. Medyo madugo nadin ang mga subject sa year na ito kumpara sa Junior year. Pero ang pinaka-importante sa lahat dito na natin iniisip kung ano ang balak natin kunin sa kolehiyo pagkagraduate na magtatakda sa kinabukasan natin.



College Life: Isa sa mga climax ng buhay natin kung saan binabago na natin lahat ang pag-iisip natin sa mga bagay-bagay, nagdedesisyon nadin tayo ayon sa pananaw natin at iniisip na natin ang magiging buhay natin sa hinaharap. Dito na natin minamahal ng buong-buo ang lahat ng mahalaga satin. Tulad nga ng sabi nila eto ang “Turning Point” ng buhay, kung ano man ang hakbang na gagawin mo sa stage na ito ay siguradong makakaapekto sa succeeding years ng buhay mo.



Hanggang dito palang ang narereach ko sa buhay ko, hindi ko pa kayang ikwento ang mangyayari sakin pagkagraduate ko, pero naglalaro na sa aking isip ang mga maaaring mangyari sakin sa hinaharap. Sadyang mapaglaro talaga ang buhay, hindi mo alam ang pwedeng mangyari sa susunod na kabanata ng buhay mo, parang libro, habang hindi mo nababasa ang susunod na chapter, hindi mo din malalaman kung ano ang mayroon doon. Ikaw na nagbabasa ngayon nito, hindi mo ba naiisip ang kinabukasan mo? kung hindi, kailan mo pa balak? Ang nais ko lamang iparating ay hindi pa huli para mapalawak ang pag-iisip nating lahat, habang nabubuhay tayo subukan na natin ipunin lahat ng ideya na kaya nating dalhin, eto lang ang magiging gabay natin para sa magandang kinabukasan.

“Your life right now is a reflection of your past thoughts. That includes all the great things, and all the things you consider not so great. Since you attract to you what you think about most, it is easy to see what your dominant thoughts have been on every subject of your life, because that is what you have experienced.”

-Rhonda Byrne

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Making Amends with People from the Past

So today was just an ordinary day for me. Or so I thought. I was having a full plate in the office when I suddenly got an invite over YM from someone I least expect to get it from. I admit that I was skeptical at first, wondering what's going on that I know nothing about. Because as far as I can recall, there's no reason for her to contact me at all. It immediately felt like there's something wrong, or maybe she just wanted to confront me or clarify things with me. And because I know deep inside me that I have buried the past, I have decided to accept the invite and find out for myself why could she be doing this.

Surprise caught me off-guard when we talked incessantly - just like how close friends would talk. It felt wrong but so right to be having that conversation with her. I felt light, and opening things up with her
seemed effortless on my part. If you know how ugly the things that happened in the past were, you wouldn't expect me to write this blog. I am talking now because I am still in awe of how God makes everything right and perfect in His right and perfect time.

Years have passed since our dustup, and I must admit that tons of things had happened. I'm happy to update her with what-what's and I appreciate it that she listens. She minds what I'm saying and that she actually understands me. That's unusual, if I may say. :-)

I never thought we'd get to this point where I'll be talking to her like we were friends since birth, but I'm glad it happened. She was more like a sister to me now, someone whom I know I can completely trust. She knows everything I've been through and constantly reminds me that she's happy I got thru with it. SHE GETS ME, and that's more than enough. It's that simple. I appreciate her sincerest efforts to patch things up with me and to reunite me with a friend whom I haven't talked to in ages.
I was reminded of how things are never hopeless, that broken relationships can be fixed, and that broken hearts can be made whole again - all in His perfect time. ;-)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Mind Bubbles

I am quite the arty farty person when I want to be, I suppose another term for it would be 'creative', it is not so much focused on ability, more on the urge to always be doing something visually creative like multimedia, blogging and doodling to in my case.
I am always thinking of things to doodle and blog, so much so, that I kinda forget on purpose that I have other stuff to do, even if it is interesting, it is always going to be less fun that doodling. So where is that inner voice, the 'sensible voice' telling me "hey stop fannying around and get on with your college work". Well after some in-depth research with my buddy Franze, it has been discovered that the sensible voice has been locked in a chest and thrown into the ocean, once it reached the bottom of the ocean floor it is guarded by evil fish, who use bubbles to further muffle the sound of the sensible voice.
Bubbles are tricky things, you have those amazing thoughts/ideas that pop into your head, that can lead to a great doodle, blog post or whatever, they can be called 'Mind Bubbles'. It is up to you what you do with these 'Mind Bubbles' either capture them by writing the ideas down or simply let them float away. The thing to be wary of is when BOTDK appear, these are Bubbles of the Dangerous Kind, evil bubbles that distract you and take you away from your assignments, into dangerous places like blogging forums and even more nefarious than that.... facebook and its games!

Before You Walk Out My Life

Verse I:
Here we are face to face
With the memories that can't be erased
Although we need each other
Things that changed, it's not the same

Verse II:
Sometimes it makes me wonder
Where would I be, if you hadn't discovered
Which I did, inside of me
I know there was something, that we could compare
Oh, well, I...

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life

Verse III:
Remembering the good times
From a portrait hung on high
It's filled with so much color
And the laughter we left behind
I made the choice and you couldn't decide
I made the choice, I was wrong you were right
Deep down inside, I apologize

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life

Bridge:
Though I made plans with you
To always have time for you
(Before you walk out of my life)
I guess it's true, cannot live without you
Don't ever go away, ooh oh yeah

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life
Before you walk out of my life

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life