Just One Wish

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck, miss ko un!

the warmth of your lips on my cheek, lalo na un!

the touch of your fingers on my skin, mas lalo na un!

and the feel of your heart beating with mine... mas pinakang lalo na un!

Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you... oo ikaw .. sayo lamang!!!

Best I ever had

Dearest ...

You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
You are not my first… but you are the best from all.
When I look into your eyes…I feel lost but secure.
Our love is cyber… but the strongest yet…
The mere thought of you makes me smile. hurr..hurr..
It puts me in a deep dream…one which I never want to get out of..i think im crazy .. hehhe..

I love you po ….your smile…your eyes…the warmth in your hands…everything! secret!

I love you more than words can ever say!

Your forever and ever… mitch

You know you miss someone when you write shit like this

Isn't it gripping when that feeling of you missing someone sinks in and makes you all serious and reminiscent and pensive and receptive at the same time, conjures in your mind scenes of a girl sitting with an empty chair, a girl looking at his hand as it pales with a certain coldness, a girl tracing a man's name or scent in the air, she walking in a room with invisible walls closing in? And then suddenly, strangely, sappily you realize that you are that girl: alone, even if whole.

JUST THW WAY I AM

I'm fly
The original
I'm sly
Unpredictable...
I'm nearly irresistible
And I don't even try
I'm easily excitable,
Completely undeniable,
And sometimes unrealible.
Don't ask me why,
Don't ask me why (why)


I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am
I can't change
I can't hide it
That's just the way I am
Might as well get over it
BUT Don't try to understand
I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am

From a whisper to a shout
On what the buzz
Is all about
Everybody's buggin' out
And I've only just begun
They can't rain on my parade
I'm sunshine on a cloudy day
Make lemons into lemonade
I'm just havin' fun
I'm havin' fun (I'm havin fun)


I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am
I can't change
I can't hide it
That's just the way I am
Might as well get over it
BUT Don't try to understand
I'm strange
And I like it
That's just the way I am

March 26, 2010, tinawagan ako ng Tita ko sa Canada at sinabing kukunin niya ako at pag-aaralin niya ako doon. Nung una ay natuwa ako dahil naisip kong mas mapapaganda nga naman ang buhay ko doon, at mas maraming oppurtunity ang naghihintay doon kumpara dito sa Pilipinas. Pero pagkatapos ng tuwang iyon ay napa-isip ako ng ilang saglit, naisip ko... "Pano naman si Jomel? (ang boyfriend ko.. at lalaking pinakamamahal ko). March 27, 2010, sinubukan kong sabihin sa kanya ang tungkol dito, tinanong ko siya kung makakaya ba niyang hindi ako makita sa loob ng isang taon, At ang naging sagot niya ay hindi daw niya kaya, at baka 6 months pa lang ay di na niya kayanin.
kanina, March 29, 2010, sinubukan ko ulit i-open ang topic na yun kaso naiyak siya, nakita kung papaano siya nasaktan at lumuha nang binanggit ko sakanya ang tunkol sa bagay na iyon, kaya nag promise na lang ako sa kanya na hindi na ako aalis, hindi na aq pupunta sa Canada o Europe man. At lalo akong nalulungkot pag nakikita ko siyang malungkot dahil sa balak kong pag-alis.

Isa pang problema ay pakiramdam ko kanina ay sinumbatan niya ako... sinabi niyang "Hindi mo pa nga ako nadadala sa bahay niyo tapos aalis kana!! "... yang mga salitang yan ay ang lalong nagpabigat sa nararamdaman ko. Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na gusto mong umiyak pero pinipigil mo lang? diba npakasakit sa dibdib? napaka bigat sa nararamdaman. Ayokong umiyak sa harap niya.

Napaka-hirap mag desisyon, ngayong future at pag-ibig ang nakataya.

Mas mhirap pra xaken mg desisyon kxe future q ang nkasalalay... kxo ng promise na aq na ndi na aq 22loy... e pnu nman ung oppurtunity na naghihintay xaken???

You've got it all

I was the game he would play
He brought the clouds to my day
Then like a ray of light
You came my way one night
Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
Put all your fears to rest
Who do I love the best
Don't you know

You've got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call
You were out on a limb

And you're all that he's not
Just look what I've got
'Cause you've got it all
Over him

Now, don't let him worry you so
Once I met you
I let go
Oh you can surely see
You're so much more to me

Just one look and I knew
You would make everything clear
Make all the clouds disappear
You're better than all the rest
Who do I love the best
Don't you know

You've got it all over him
You got me over him
Honey it's true
There's just you
You must have been heaven sent
Hearing me call
You went out on a limb

I am so Imperfect...

Though I am I strive to be better. I want to be the one who
takes the pain that either I have caused or not and make it better. Shed light
on a dark subject perhaps. But that certainly doesnt make me perfect or have the
answers in any way. I guess it is jsut a lot of caring for those around me who
are hurting...

I have always been the "fixer." The one that family,
friends....anyone can depend on to help in some way. I often question my advice
because of my personal insecurities and definate imperfection always. But in
light of the truth that I am no where near perfect I hope that I can still make
a difference in this world.

God help me to do my best in as an imperfect
woman........

nag iisip ng iisipin...

Bat ba ko ganito? Nasanay na talaga akong mag-isip kahit di naman kailangan. Kung contact ko kayo sa YM, madalas makita nyo sa status ko ang katagang " Nag-iisip ng iisipin ". Totoo ang mood kong yun. Siguro dahil sa nasanay ang utak ko na mag-iisip ng mga ide-design kaya ako naging ganito. Kaso nga lang minsan napupuyat na ko sa kakaisip.

Minsan, mga alas tres na nun ng bigla kong maisip, sinu-sino kaya ngayon sa oras na to ang nasa alanganing sitwasyon, mga nasa kapahamakan at nanginginig sa takot na baka huling gabi na nila sa mundo yun at walang mahingan ng tulong at nasa isang madilim na lugar? Bigla na lang akong sasagot na ganun ako kaswerte at safe akong nasa kwarto lang. Pano nga kaya kung ikaw ang nandun? Malamang maiisip mo rin na bigla mong ma mi miss pamilya mu at ang kwarto mong dapat nandun ka lang at nag-iisip o humihilik.

" Magugulat ka na lang din kinabukasan sa balita na may napahamak kung anong oras mu rin inisip yun. "

Minsan naman nasa byahe ako at nata-traffic sa Regalado,fairview, nasa bus ako nun at syempre nag-isip na naman ako. Pano kaya kung dahilan ng traffic na yun ay ang pagsumpong ng pagkaligalig ng isang grupong puno ng armas at nasa mahigit 50 ang mga ito. Normal na araw lang yun pero magiging delubyo bigla. Simpleng byahe pero posibleng mangyari. Kahit maraming tao ang nasa paligid pero mapaparalisa pag nangyari yun. Naisip kong bukod kaya sakin, sino kaya ang mga nababato rin sa byahe at naisip din ang naiisip ko? hmmm? nagpatong-patong na pag-iisip pero pano nga kaya? Handa ba tayo at ang mga pulis patolang kikilos lang pag may napahamak na.

Nakakapagod mag-isip pero maraming matututunan at hinahanda ka na rin. Kayo? Nangyayari na rin ba sa inyo ang sakit na tulad ng sakin?

Kumatas na ba sa isipan nyo tong mga katanungang ito?

palagi kasi gumagana ang sub-consious mind ko!!! kaya siguro ganun!!!

Sige sa susunod ulit mga balbon!

naiisip mo ba ang naiisip ko??

Noong pinanganak tayo sa mundong ito, kailan ba tayo unang nag-isip? Noong lumabas ba tayo sa sinapupunan may iniisip na ba tayo nyun? Kung mayroon man bakit hindi natin matandaan, siguro dahil lahat ng ginagawa natin noong sanggol pa tayo ay nakakahiya, tulad nalang ng pagiging iyakin na halos mainis yung mga magulang natin para lang mapatahan tayo o kaya yung oras-oras na pagpapalit ng lampin natin. Ganito lang ba talaga gumagana ang buhay? Kapag hindi mo na kailangan ang bagay sadyang kinakalimutan mo nalang ito na parang walang nangyari? Libo-libong tanong ang naglalaro sa isip natin, papaano ba natin ito masasagot? Sapat na ba ang tagal ng buhay ng tao para masagot ang mga katanungan na ito?


Sa bawat hakbang natin sa pagtanda, paiba-iba ang nagiging lebel ng ating pag-iisip. Mayroon isang pagkakataon noong bata tayo na nagtataka ang bawat isa satin kung bakit ang liliit natin kumpara sa mga magulang natin? kung bakit hindi tayo pinapayagan gawin ang mga gusto natin gawin? at kung paano ba tayo talaga ginawa? Pagtungtong natin sa eskwelahan lalo lang nadagdagan ang mga iniisip natin dito sa mundo, tulad nalang ng mga sumusunod:

Preschool: Iniisip natin kung bakit tayo kailangan iwanan ng mga magulang natin sa eskwela.

Grade School

Grade 1 – 3: Tuwing nasa eskwela tayo iniisip natin kung bakit ang sungit-sungit at sadyang nakakatakot ang mga titser natin, kung bakit ang hirap ng math at tsaka ang sarap magyabang sa mga klasmeyt kapag may bagong bili kang gamit o kaya laruan?

Grade 4 – 6: Iniisip padin natin bakit masungit ang mga titser, mga nagtatambakang projects, kung sino sa kaklase natin ang magiging representative sa United Nation Month, at syempre hindi nawawala ang pagkahirap-hirap na mathematics.

High School

Freshmen Year: Naiisip na natin magkacrush sa opposite sex (although merong iba sa same sex nagkakacrush) at eventually nanliligaw/naliligawan nadin tayo.

Sophomore Year: Sadyang masakit sa utak kabisaduhin ang Florante at Laura, kaso nakakahiya din na isipin na wala kang marerecite sa klase. Dito din natin sinisimulan na magisip ng parang matanda.

Junior Year: Naku! Geometry? Chemistry? (isa sa mga pilit nating kinakalimutan na subject). Unang Prom Night, kung saan iniisip natin mabuti kung anu ang susuutin, sino ang yayayain at ano kaya ang masasarap na putaheng nakahanda (nagtataka din tayo kung bakit may mga kaklase tayong ang kakapal magmake-up at madami mag gel na kung titingnan mo parang libing niya na nung gabing iyon).

Senior Year: Dito na tayo nagiisip ng medyo mature na ang dating. Medyo madugo nadin ang mga subject sa year na ito kumpara sa Junior year. Pero ang pinaka-importante sa lahat dito na natin iniisip kung ano ang balak natin kunin sa kolehiyo pagkagraduate na magtatakda sa kinabukasan natin.



College Life: Isa sa mga climax ng buhay natin kung saan binabago na natin lahat ang pag-iisip natin sa mga bagay-bagay, nagdedesisyon nadin tayo ayon sa pananaw natin at iniisip na natin ang magiging buhay natin sa hinaharap. Dito na natin minamahal ng buong-buo ang lahat ng mahalaga satin. Tulad nga ng sabi nila eto ang “Turning Point” ng buhay, kung ano man ang hakbang na gagawin mo sa stage na ito ay siguradong makakaapekto sa succeeding years ng buhay mo.



Hanggang dito palang ang narereach ko sa buhay ko, hindi ko pa kayang ikwento ang mangyayari sakin pagkagraduate ko, pero naglalaro na sa aking isip ang mga maaaring mangyari sakin sa hinaharap. Sadyang mapaglaro talaga ang buhay, hindi mo alam ang pwedeng mangyari sa susunod na kabanata ng buhay mo, parang libro, habang hindi mo nababasa ang susunod na chapter, hindi mo din malalaman kung ano ang mayroon doon. Ikaw na nagbabasa ngayon nito, hindi mo ba naiisip ang kinabukasan mo? kung hindi, kailan mo pa balak? Ang nais ko lamang iparating ay hindi pa huli para mapalawak ang pag-iisip nating lahat, habang nabubuhay tayo subukan na natin ipunin lahat ng ideya na kaya nating dalhin, eto lang ang magiging gabay natin para sa magandang kinabukasan.

“Your life right now is a reflection of your past thoughts. That includes all the great things, and all the things you consider not so great. Since you attract to you what you think about most, it is easy to see what your dominant thoughts have been on every subject of your life, because that is what you have experienced.”

-Rhonda Byrne

Making Amends with People from the Past

So today was just an ordinary day for me. Or so I thought. I was having a full plate in the office when I suddenly got an invite over YM from someone I least expect to get it from. I admit that I was skeptical at first, wondering what's going on that I know nothing about. Because as far as I can recall, there's no reason for her to contact me at all. It immediately felt like there's something wrong, or maybe she just wanted to confront me or clarify things with me. And because I know deep inside me that I have buried the past, I have decided to accept the invite and find out for myself why could she be doing this.

Surprise caught me off-guard when we talked incessantly - just like how close friends would talk. It felt wrong but so right to be having that conversation with her. I felt light, and opening things up with her
seemed effortless on my part. If you know how ugly the things that happened in the past were, you wouldn't expect me to write this blog. I am talking now because I am still in awe of how God makes everything right and perfect in His right and perfect time.

Years have passed since our dustup, and I must admit that tons of things had happened. I'm happy to update her with what-what's and I appreciate it that she listens. She minds what I'm saying and that she actually understands me. That's unusual, if I may say. :-)

I never thought we'd get to this point where I'll be talking to her like we were friends since birth, but I'm glad it happened. She was more like a sister to me now, someone whom I know I can completely trust. She knows everything I've been through and constantly reminds me that she's happy I got thru with it. SHE GETS ME, and that's more than enough. It's that simple. I appreciate her sincerest efforts to patch things up with me and to reunite me with a friend whom I haven't talked to in ages.

I was reminded of how things are never hopeless, that broken relationships can be fixed, and that broken hearts can be made whole again - all in His perfect time. ;-)

Mind Bubbles

I am quite the arty farty person when I want to be, I suppose another term for it would be 'creative', it is not so much focused on ability, more on the urge to always be doing something visually creative like multimedia, blogging and doodling to in my case.
I am always thinking of things to doodle and blog, so much so, that I kinda forget on purpose that I have other stuff to do, even if it is interesting, it is always going to be less fun that doodling. So where is that inner voice, the 'sensible voice' telling me "hey stop fannying around and get on with your college work". Well after some in-depth research with my buddy Franze, it has been discovered that the sensible voice has been locked in a chest and thrown into the ocean, once it reached the bottom of the ocean floor it is guarded by evil fish, who use bubbles to further muffle the sound of the sensible voice.
Bubbles are tricky things, you have those amazing thoughts/ideas that pop into your head, that can lead to a great doodle, blog post or whatever, they can be called 'Mind Bubbles'. It is up to you what you do with these 'Mind Bubbles' either capture them by writing the ideas down or simply let them float away. The thing to be wary of is when BOTDK appear, these are Bubbles of the Dangerous Kind, evil bubbles that distract you and take you away from your assignments, into dangerous places like blogging forums and even more nefarious than that.... facebook and its games!

Before You Walk Out My Life

Verse I:
Here we are face to face
With the memories that can't be erased
Although we need each other
Things that changed, it's not the same

Verse II:
Sometimes it makes me wonder
Where would I be, if you hadn't discovered
Which I did, inside of me
I know there was something, that we could compare
Oh, well, I...

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life

Verse III:
Remembering the good times
From a portrait hung on high
It's filled with so much color
And the laughter we left behind
I made the choice and you couldn't decide
I made the choice, I was wrong you were right
Deep down inside, I apologize

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life

Bridge:
Though I made plans with you
To always have time for you
(Before you walk out of my life)
I guess it's true, cannot live without you
Don't ever go away, ooh oh yeah

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life
Before you walk out of my life

HOOK:
Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life